I just heard in a radio station that happy memories can make your body temperature rise and keep you warm.. The happier the memory, the warmer you feel- apparently. It didnt work for the little girl with the matches though.. She had one happy memory after the other and she still died in the cold. But Im willing to believe and now I feel even more grateful for all the happy memories I have. I used to think, "whats the point of everything I've lived? Everything passes so quickly and vanishes like it never happened at all". But now, when life seems like an endless sequence of days that are almost the same, my memories keep me happy. At least once during the day, my mind will wander to travels in beautiful places, to conversations with amazing people and to moments of love that I've lived.. It really does make me warm inside..
This time of the year, approaching Christmas, I think of New York. It was probably the only Christmas I spent out of Cyprus. I love New York. I know everyone does, I know its a cliche city but theres a magical feeling about it, its like an endless adventure waiting to be lived... Everyday in New York could bring something different, something new and exciting. There's so many, SO MANY, corners waiting to be explored, so many different people to meet, so many things to do... Arts, theatre, bars and restaurants... Its not as fun if you dont have money, sure. Its a city designed for glamour, for wall-street bankers and hollywood stars, but its also great for low-budget students and middle-income families. Its THE city. And before poverty became such a common spectacle, there was plenty of room for everyone.
I dont know how things are now, I havent been there in four years. And loved as I did the City, there were things that were weird for me there. I was in a weird situation. (Come to think of it, arent I always?not the City's fault). I was poor (a low-budget intern is very different from a low-budget student), I lived in absolute crap conditions (crap neighborhood, far away from the center, sharing the bed, and absolutely NOTHING worked in that flat). I had a weird weird weird relationship and I was in a stupid state of mind. Looking back, I wish I wasnt.. I wish I could control my feelings better.. I wish I didnt lose my courage and my sleep for things that are unavoidable anyway (like relationships going down the bin). I wish I was more confident, more positive, less confused, more in control of the situation... I wish I didnt worry so much about my "job". Even though I did great at the end, what good did it bring? They were not gonna keep me anyway.
But although I worried a lot about stupid things and I made it difficult for myself, I did keep alerted ALL the time, treasuring, savoring, living every minute, and trying to hold on to it.. I was in a constant state of life awareness, carpe-ing the diem, but no matter how much I tried to live those months in full, time flew too quickly..
Lots of good things happened after NY. Lots of great memories to keep me warm in cold nights... But there's something about New York and what was there... that makes me treasure it and value it, maybe more than other city experiences. Is it because its NY, and you know each sight and each street of it even if you ve never been there? Is it because life there was so intense that kept me awake even when I was sleeping? Is it because I was never alone there, had so many people around me all the time to keep me busy and happy? Is it because I was living my dream at the United Nations, crossing the gate every morning thinking how lucky I was to be given this opportunity? Must have been everything together...
Whatever it was..I always go back to that happy place whenever I'm longing for some warmth.. and then I know that everything I've lived wasn't in vain. It was totally worth it, even if its only worth it for the moments of warmth I can enjoy right now.
This time of the year, approaching Christmas, I think of New York. It was probably the only Christmas I spent out of Cyprus. I love New York. I know everyone does, I know its a cliche city but theres a magical feeling about it, its like an endless adventure waiting to be lived... Everyday in New York could bring something different, something new and exciting. There's so many, SO MANY, corners waiting to be explored, so many different people to meet, so many things to do... Arts, theatre, bars and restaurants... Its not as fun if you dont have money, sure. Its a city designed for glamour, for wall-street bankers and hollywood stars, but its also great for low-budget students and middle-income families. Its THE city. And before poverty became such a common spectacle, there was plenty of room for everyone.
I dont know how things are now, I havent been there in four years. And loved as I did the City, there were things that were weird for me there. I was in a weird situation. (Come to think of it, arent I always?not the City's fault). I was poor (a low-budget intern is very different from a low-budget student), I lived in absolute crap conditions (crap neighborhood, far away from the center, sharing the bed, and absolutely NOTHING worked in that flat). I had a weird weird weird relationship and I was in a stupid state of mind. Looking back, I wish I wasnt.. I wish I could control my feelings better.. I wish I didnt lose my courage and my sleep for things that are unavoidable anyway (like relationships going down the bin). I wish I was more confident, more positive, less confused, more in control of the situation... I wish I didnt worry so much about my "job". Even though I did great at the end, what good did it bring? They were not gonna keep me anyway.
But although I worried a lot about stupid things and I made it difficult for myself, I did keep alerted ALL the time, treasuring, savoring, living every minute, and trying to hold on to it.. I was in a constant state of life awareness, carpe-ing the diem, but no matter how much I tried to live those months in full, time flew too quickly..
Lots of good things happened after NY. Lots of great memories to keep me warm in cold nights... But there's something about New York and what was there... that makes me treasure it and value it, maybe more than other city experiences. Is it because its NY, and you know each sight and each street of it even if you ve never been there? Is it because life there was so intense that kept me awake even when I was sleeping? Is it because I was never alone there, had so many people around me all the time to keep me busy and happy? Is it because I was living my dream at the United Nations, crossing the gate every morning thinking how lucky I was to be given this opportunity? Must have been everything together...
Whatever it was..I always go back to that happy place whenever I'm longing for some warmth.. and then I know that everything I've lived wasn't in vain. It was totally worth it, even if its only worth it for the moments of warmth I can enjoy right now.
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