So finally, the moment I have not been waiting for has arrived. The moment I was dreading is finally here.

I'm officially a teacher. A 2nd grade teacher. It's official. And final. It's a part of my identity that I cannot deny anymore. I'm a teacher.

10 years after graduating from university with a degree in primary education, I will have responsibility for primary education. I will be the part of the system which shapes the system. And at the same time a very important part in the lives of 7-year-olds.

And I have no idea how. 5 years of substitute teaching have bot prepared me for the responsibility of creating an effective learning environment for others. Not even close. I feel the burden heavy on my shoulders and its weighing me down like nothing has ever weighed me down before.

Will I manage to make them feel safe and loved, no matter what?
Will I be able to understand them, help them and make them happy?
Will I be able to give them lasting knowledge and shape their attitudes and behaviours?

Or will it all backfire in my face?

Fear of failure, once again. Only this time. its serious. The consequences of my failure could be severe. I so fervently want to be a good teacher, almost with the same passion I want to not be a teacher at all.

I never thought this moment would come. I always thought that by some magical touch of fate, I would find myself on another road, in a natural and effortless way. So I kept straying from the path, but always found myself returning. I do take responsibility.. I was never brave enough to walk too far away from the path. I kept a safety distance, lingered back and forth and run back to it every time I found myself in panic zone. And now Im in panic zone within my comfort zone. And there doesnt seem to be a way out. Im stuck.

But I'm also willing to try my best, to overcome the adversities of waking up at 5.30 am and driving one hour, to put up with all complaints, parents' nagging, children's screaming, crying and resistance to learning and find out whether I can be a teacher after all. Maybe if I can be a teacher, I can be anything at all. Being a teacher is the hardest thing in the world.

I'm so grateful I have Argentina to look forward to..