Im tired...

I dont like this. I am grateful for being alive... and for having everything..But... I dont like this...

I dont like being a teacher. I feel like Im being a policeman for children most of the time. This is just not for me. I see the other teachers and how well they are doing... They have the motivation and the skills and the experience and the willingness to run a classroom and they do it so wonderfully.. Im jealous and I wish I could do that.. But I cant. And I dont want to.

I want something else. But I dont know what. Or maybe I do know, but Im scared to go for it. I dont believe that Im good enough to go for it. Theres so many people out there who are just better than me.

I feel like Im wasting my life. My youth.. Doing smth I dont enjoy, and not even trying to enjoy what I do. Im too tired from wasting energy here and there to focus on making my job enjoyful. Im tired, I want things to change, I want to feel happy and fulfilled or at least I want to feel like Im on the right track, that this is going somewhere, that Im where Im supposed to be.

How do you know when you are where you are supposed to be? If it feels wrong, you probably arent, right?

My motto: It has to feel right.

And this doesnt. And its not because Im being ungrateful and greedy and wanting too much...

Or is it?