Sinking...

I am completely left in the hands of gravity. Im sinking slowly and peacefully in the blue waters of my depression, there's no fighting it. My legs are not kicking and my hands are not moving desperately, trying to make waves upward. Im sinking with my eyes open and its nice, its peaceful, its serene and I love it and hate it at the same time.

Im sinking deeper and deeper and I reach the point where I dont know which way Im going, where's the floor and where's the ceiling, whether Im going upwards or downwards, but then I see the bubbles going up and I know that Im going down, deeper and deeper in the blue waters of my anxiety for the future.

Deeper away from my dreams, as deep as my fears. Further and further from my friends, from love and from joy, towards the deep ends of sadness and hostility. I know I can still kick and twist and turn and fight for the surface, there's still time and there's still breath but is it really worth it?

Im half way there and the gravity is pulling me down. The invincible laws of nature, I have been up and now Im on my way down. There's no escaping it and I wont even try.

This is not a suicide note.