Being a teacher is hard, hard work..
(yes, still in complaining mode)
It does get easier everyone says.. but my brain is getting fried in the process. And Im exhausted all the fucking time. I can't enjoy anything anymore. I feel like Im living in a hazy landscape. Im confused, oh so confused, and I know that this confusion comes from inside. I feel like Im a square trying to fit in a triangle shape. This is just not who I am. Or who I want to become. Why is it so difficult for me to just accept things as they are and be happy?
What would Neil Pasricha say? Something positive surely. "You can swirl and twirl and gloom and doom, or you can grieve and then face the future with newly sober eyes". I love the expression "newly sober eyes". It makes me think of waking up fresh the day after and facing the world with a different perspective.
Still waiting to see things in a different perspective. Maybe my mum is right. Cant believe I just wrote that, (still time to delete it). I dont want her to be right. And not because shes my mum. She thinks theres no such thing as following your dreams. You should just adjust to reality and be happy with whats in your plate. Which is true, so she must be right. But its also sad, isnt it? I want to interview people who followed their dreams and ask them what it took for them to get there.. and I want to talk to other people who didn't, and find out if there can be contentment in settling.
In the meantime, Im surviving reality, reaching out for the little magic moments. My stomach is full of knots, but Im ok. I dont have what I wanted, but I still have A LOT. So much more than the average amount of things that could make someone happy. I have a box full of treasures. Im grateful. And maybe dreams can wait a bit. Its never too late, right?
(yes, still in complaining mode)
It does get easier everyone says.. but my brain is getting fried in the process. And Im exhausted all the fucking time. I can't enjoy anything anymore. I feel like Im living in a hazy landscape. Im confused, oh so confused, and I know that this confusion comes from inside. I feel like Im a square trying to fit in a triangle shape. This is just not who I am. Or who I want to become. Why is it so difficult for me to just accept things as they are and be happy?
What would Neil Pasricha say? Something positive surely. "You can swirl and twirl and gloom and doom, or you can grieve and then face the future with newly sober eyes". I love the expression "newly sober eyes". It makes me think of waking up fresh the day after and facing the world with a different perspective.
Still waiting to see things in a different perspective. Maybe my mum is right. Cant believe I just wrote that, (still time to delete it). I dont want her to be right. And not because shes my mum. She thinks theres no such thing as following your dreams. You should just adjust to reality and be happy with whats in your plate. Which is true, so she must be right. But its also sad, isnt it? I want to interview people who followed their dreams and ask them what it took for them to get there.. and I want to talk to other people who didn't, and find out if there can be contentment in settling.
In the meantime, Im surviving reality, reaching out for the little magic moments. My stomach is full of knots, but Im ok. I dont have what I wanted, but I still have A LOT. So much more than the average amount of things that could make someone happy. I have a box full of treasures. Im grateful. And maybe dreams can wait a bit. Its never too late, right?
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