Im 5 weeks away from giving birth (hopefully it will not happen sooner cause Im really not prepared) and my head is still in the clouds... Im not focused at all on the fact that Im about to be a mum. I havent realized that Im married now, that I will have responsibility for a household and for a human life.. Im still thinking about things that dont matter anymore.. Im still dreaming of a career I will never have (cause careers involve working hard and that is just not on my agenda). I still value my social life way too much.. I give way too much priority to going out and meeting people and socializing (but maybe thats just who I am, a social being..). Some of my thoughts are still occupied by my past (only slightly, but it kind of worries me, that I cant focus on the importance of the here and now.. its a getaway method, a small escape, but what do I need to escape from?) The worst part is that I've had 9 months to prepare, physically and mentally about being a parent and I'm as unprepared as I was on the first month. It just hasn't hit me yet. I simply cannot imagine it. I cannot imagine how my life will change, how my world will turn upside down, who I will be after acquiring a new identity, that of the parent. It's weird, it's so weird.

It doesn't really matter right now, I guess Im still allowed to be slightly off.. for a few more weeks, hopefully... but I have to make this effort, to focus on what's real and important and let go of all the rest. I'm ready to put Hermione in the center. I'm ready to change myself and become someone who can be a role model for a growing child. I'm ready to discover a new kind of loving and existing..  I'm waiting for the magic to happen.. A new adventure, a new kind of traveling..

My thoughts will catch up with reality soon enough.