The new begining that Im longing for it's taking its time.. I'm stuck here, in a place that's neither bad nor good, just neutral and slightly uncomfortable, and I'm so anxious to move on, hoping that my peace of mind will be restored.. The sense of disorientation has been too strong lately. I'm lost in space, more than ever before, and I just need to feel at home, somewhere lovely, even if temporary. It's been going on for too long, residence in the space in between.. I'm itching for a part of the world that I can call mine..
Its spring and I'm turning 33. Definitely not how I imagined life at 33. But then again, I never imagined how life would be like at 33. I guess I didnt believe I would live that long. I'm not sure anymore, but I think I always subconsiously assumed I'd be settled by the incredibly old age of 33. I'd have a family, I'd have a real commitment.. It was an unspoken expectation, something that I didnt actively pursue but always thought it would have happened on its own, somehow, sometime in my late 20s.
What happened...? How did more than a decade go by with me just postponing life decisions? I always thought the river of life would lead me somewhere, I always thought that in a magical effortless way, things would turn out the way they should. And the way they should, would be my dream job, my dream man, my dream house, my dream everything.. Was it the millenial sense of self-entitlement or was it just that I've had so many good fortunes that made me think that is this the way things will always turn out?
I'm just super impatient, and lazy. I don't want to work for it, but I do want things done now. I don't know what to do differently though. I'm too tired all the time. I just want to read books and watch movies and sleep as early as I can and talk to the least amount of people possible. Human interaction is becoming more and more of a burden.
Im ranting uncontrollably.. And Im tired from it...
Time to move my ass and work towards improving my life. Cause I'm almost 33 and miracles don't just happen anymore.
Its spring and I'm turning 33. Definitely not how I imagined life at 33. But then again, I never imagined how life would be like at 33. I guess I didnt believe I would live that long. I'm not sure anymore, but I think I always subconsiously assumed I'd be settled by the incredibly old age of 33. I'd have a family, I'd have a real commitment.. It was an unspoken expectation, something that I didnt actively pursue but always thought it would have happened on its own, somehow, sometime in my late 20s.
What happened...? How did more than a decade go by with me just postponing life decisions? I always thought the river of life would lead me somewhere, I always thought that in a magical effortless way, things would turn out the way they should. And the way they should, would be my dream job, my dream man, my dream house, my dream everything.. Was it the millenial sense of self-entitlement or was it just that I've had so many good fortunes that made me think that is this the way things will always turn out?
I'm just super impatient, and lazy. I don't want to work for it, but I do want things done now. I don't know what to do differently though. I'm too tired all the time. I just want to read books and watch movies and sleep as early as I can and talk to the least amount of people possible. Human interaction is becoming more and more of a burden.
Im ranting uncontrollably.. And Im tired from it...
Time to move my ass and work towards improving my life. Cause I'm almost 33 and miracles don't just happen anymore.
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