New house, same madness.
I guess the Kavafian city is following me. You change things around you in an effort to change yourself. It's not working.
Then How do you change yourself?
You do things differently, that's how.
I'm too tired to do things differently. I'm exhausted. Traveling to Limasol is taking away my essence. I'm not me anymore. I'm whats left of me after giving away all my vital energy. It's crazy. It's like those people who work all day and do nothing else, except I don't work all day, there's just nothing left of me when I come back home at 3pm.
I will figure it out. Life is moving in slow motion when you are not traveling. Everything takes so much more time to figure out. During my traveling days, things were moving so fast.. I adjusted to new things a lot faster, I made friends faster, things were happening in a quicker pace. In 3 years I lived in 5 countries, loving every single one of them, and then it took me 3 years to get used to being back in Cyprus. Maybe when you are traveling everything is in fast motion and what I am experiencing now is the normal pace of things. Maybe life is meant to be slow, so we don't get tired of it so easily? Imagine how slow life must be for people in remote places who don't have technology. Endless hours of working in fields, of talking to the same people, endless hours of preparing food and clothing. But people want to go back to that, right? The fast-paced life has had its glorification and now it's dying..
I'm imagining a life in a place far-away from the city tension. In a place where a meal takes hours to be consumed. Where I can sit in a beautiful landscape and read books and listen to the birds sing and feel the nature all around. Where there will be time to cook a meal from scratch and time to just be, no rushing, no alarm in the morning. Yes, I'm dreaming of retired life already...
In reality, I just moved in the very center of the noisiest part of the old city (with small intervals of total peace and quiet for which I'm grateful- it was an illusion to imagine that this would be a quiet heaven). I'm in the middle of the action just like I wanted to be, except I don't feel like participating.
A separated post should be devoted to my neighborhood and neighboors, but it's still too early. It's been two weeks since we moved. Things are still in boxes. Life is still in boxes. I guess I am still in boxes.
I used to believe that the only time I felt truly alive was when I traveled. Now I'm slowly creating a life in the here and now, and traveling is no longer a priority. I'm discovering the value of standing still.. and I think I like it.
I guess the Kavafian city is following me. You change things around you in an effort to change yourself. It's not working.
Then How do you change yourself?
You do things differently, that's how.
I'm too tired to do things differently. I'm exhausted. Traveling to Limasol is taking away my essence. I'm not me anymore. I'm whats left of me after giving away all my vital energy. It's crazy. It's like those people who work all day and do nothing else, except I don't work all day, there's just nothing left of me when I come back home at 3pm.
I will figure it out. Life is moving in slow motion when you are not traveling. Everything takes so much more time to figure out. During my traveling days, things were moving so fast.. I adjusted to new things a lot faster, I made friends faster, things were happening in a quicker pace. In 3 years I lived in 5 countries, loving every single one of them, and then it took me 3 years to get used to being back in Cyprus. Maybe when you are traveling everything is in fast motion and what I am experiencing now is the normal pace of things. Maybe life is meant to be slow, so we don't get tired of it so easily? Imagine how slow life must be for people in remote places who don't have technology. Endless hours of working in fields, of talking to the same people, endless hours of preparing food and clothing. But people want to go back to that, right? The fast-paced life has had its glorification and now it's dying..
I'm imagining a life in a place far-away from the city tension. In a place where a meal takes hours to be consumed. Where I can sit in a beautiful landscape and read books and listen to the birds sing and feel the nature all around. Where there will be time to cook a meal from scratch and time to just be, no rushing, no alarm in the morning. Yes, I'm dreaming of retired life already...
In reality, I just moved in the very center of the noisiest part of the old city (with small intervals of total peace and quiet for which I'm grateful- it was an illusion to imagine that this would be a quiet heaven). I'm in the middle of the action just like I wanted to be, except I don't feel like participating.
A separated post should be devoted to my neighborhood and neighboors, but it's still too early. It's been two weeks since we moved. Things are still in boxes. Life is still in boxes. I guess I am still in boxes.
I used to believe that the only time I felt truly alive was when I traveled. Now I'm slowly creating a life in the here and now, and traveling is no longer a priority. I'm discovering the value of standing still.. and I think I like it.
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